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Penseive

Pour me the bitter truth, save yourself the sweetest lies

When I started school, thanks to my mom I already knew most of the stuff that was being taught so I had no trouble with regards to the academia. However it also meant I had to pretend to learn stuff I already knew so it was painfully boring. Initially I killed time by travelling with in the realms of my mind but there was one problem. I was left handed with bad hand writing. I realized it was bad because the teachers constantly encouraged me to improve it by tracing letters in practice books.I used to think that maybe I…

To Bobby

In first grade there was a boy who liked to be called Bobby.I was sitting one day when he just came by & casually said:”You know when we grow up we’ll marry”I was baffled, I had no clue what would be the “normal” response because I hadn’t seen or been a part of such a conversation before in real life. But I did have a reference point. I had come across something on TV in which the girl gets really offended when the boy talks about marriage, & slaps him. So I figured it’s something to be angry about. I…

Putting Usain Bolt to Shame

I was horrified of speaking in public like most kids. When I had to read something in the assembly in front of everyone in grade two, my mom took days to help me prepare. Since she was so excited, i couldn’t tell her that I didn’t want to do it. When i was standing in front of the mic and looked up, the fear was overwhelming. So i ran, fast and hard, I knew I was being called but i didn’t care. I didn’t even go back to the class but hid in the school bus instead.When I went back…

Yin and Yang

I switched school in grade 3. I made two friends for the first time, both boys, J & E who were different from the rest of the class. J harbored the love for random fact books & encyclopedias like I did, & liked dinosaurs as well. E always ended his name with three different fruits whenever asked which basically means he had 6 middle names. However the best thing about the new school was its principal. Mam H was not only a very qualified educator with a great vision but she also put in a lot of time and effort…

To Chai Or Not To Chai

I would not share the background story to what made me realize this, however I can confidently say that it was the turning point in my life. I ended up both losing & gaining so much that I am struggling to stick to a particular emotion. I probably lost a potentially meaningful platonic friendship which is a rarity in the practical phase of life, along with the literally heartbreaking disappointment that I was wrong in thinking for probably the first time in my life that someone knew/understood me at least 1% of how my grandmother did. I lost faith in…

Driving Lesson for 2

I’ve always been protective of people around me. I could sense emotions. I could sense danger. And I really wanted to save people I love from all things bad. Especially after I lost my grandmother, I did not want to lose anybody I love ever again. Or to see them in pain. So I took it upon me to make everything right. And since I displayed rather floridly that I was there to protect, eventually everyone did start looking at me like somebody who could really do that irrespective of my age or sensibility. A long time ago my cousin…

The Cardamom Fairy

I was 3 years old, maybe even younger when I realized something wasn’t quite right. I couldn’t really tell but I felt uncomfortable, especially when someone praised me on doing something good that wasn’t expected of me. I felt like a “cheater” because in most instances I was simply applying what I had observed without knowing it was good or bad and found it out later. I didn’t correct anyone though, because I did enjoy the praise but felt oddly guilty. There was another person who always knew I was different. My grandmother. Even though out of her love, the…

Living in The Ugly Duckling's Tale

I never understood why no one liked me when I was really nice to everyone. I felt like an alien in a strange universe where I was either slow or too fast. At 4 when I took my drawing to show my mom she did not believe that I had drawn it. She asked me if I had traced it , I told her I didn’t know how to trace. I don’t think she bought it until my teachers started pointing out about my “gift”. When my mom “blamed” my friends for not really being friends or taking advantage of…