I will never know

Navigating neurodivergence

Rachel Smith

I will Never know:

I will never fully know what impact being neurodivergent has on my life, as I have never been any other way.

Undiagnosed, yes but the neurodiversity has always been there…

Its pulses through my veins, providing me and others with a stunning constant array of intensity of emotions.

I believe I tend to feel more, think more and essentially be more than most, this can be both a blessing and a curse.

When it’s good, it’s amazing like sliding down a rainbow, hands out, fingers out reached, catching raindrops as I glide with momentum, feeling the wind in my face and appreciating every passing moment in time, absorbing it’s power and energy from within.

The beauty of being so attuned to texture and sounds means the whole world is often amplified; a simple car journey listening to a familiar and favourite song can often feel like a live one to one concert, the lyrics sitting in the mind, stroking and comforting worries, hugging the anxiety and bringing inner peace whilst simultaneously the tempo of the music can synch with the heart and provide new fresh focus, the chance to re-assess situation, gain greater and nurture the budding seeds of creative solutions.

Nothing is fixed, the future is on our hands, we control our own destiny.

Whilst others enjoy a strong sense of familiarity, and seek comfort in routine, there are those that see contentment as the enemy of progress and can’t seem to rest for too long. Many of us, urge to dominate life, not happy with letting it slip by, we are innovators and are always hunting for new opportunities to explore and develop and grow as people, physically, mentally and spiritually.

When we meet others who project the same vibe, and whose hearts’ beat with desire to connect and make a difference it’s where we feel most alive! We bounce off each other, vibrational energy is multiplied. Some of us have an innate sense of intuition and we filter through past the bland, expected, mandatory social norms and cultural expectations and seek refuge with those who aspire to live with integrity and who are unapologetically their true self. A multi faceted complex yet honest and pure soul who seeks to explore and understand the world and it’s purpose beyond the mundanity of just living. We seem to have an essential desire for deeper connection and seek others who feel similar. Whilst we may not care for small talk, we often want to skip all the expected social niceties and delve into core essence each being, feel them as energy and align ourselves with them, allow their perspective and life experiences to wash over us, like a sea wave and as the tide brings in the seaweed, like treasures from the deep, ocean, we seek to find the inner intricacies of each beautiful soul. We accept them for who they are and allow their perspective of life to embellish our life, make a mark and stamp on us forever altering who we are as person, our stories and lives forever entwined.

Sometimes this can happen almost subconsciously and instantaneously.

As humans we often under-estimate the power of our presence and the influence of the words we speak.

Sometimes something as simple a well timed hug when we need it the most, can lift us from our despair, sometimes a nasty judgemental sarcastic  comment can have the power to initiate great change as we constant seek to improve ourselves.

We seem to possess a high level of self awareness which can be a dual edge sword: where the difference between self sabotage and suffering with addiction is just a knife edge from using the intensity of our emotion to channelling the focus to self-empowerment and desire to create and become better and more than what we once was.

Such a fine balance, such life altering differences between both sides of the sword. Most of us with enough life experience have lived and been on both sides of the sword.

There is no middle ground, there’s no grey area, we tend to be all or nothing.

It’s intensity is relentless and the outcomes of trying to permanently balance on the edge can be exhausting.

Life can beat us to our knees, it can snatch away our purpose in the flash of an eye…so we have to be willing to adapt, ride the storm, recognising our achievement and celebrating our successes along the way but never taking the weather at sea for granted.

We maybe captains of our own destiny but we do not control the sea.

We can only control how we respond.

When the next storm takes us, will we seek comfort in surviving the last battle, and cling to the sails of hope and opportunity or will we allow ourselves to drown in the fear of uncertainty and doubt our strength to rise again once more.

It’s through life’s constant challenges that we grow, adapt and learn to become better.

We want to explore our grit and share with others our stories so we may learn from each other to grow stronger as community.

We may be competitive in our quest for the truth and finding a higher purpose within life but we are also often born teachers, and desire to learn from others as well as teaching and sharing our knowledge along the way.


Like the popping of bubble wrap, we tick off experiences and leave no stone unturned in our adventures: we can be impulsive and spontaneous and that may not always bode in our favour but we often have a unique sense of humour and humility to be able to laugh at our mistakes and encourage others to find the humour in failed endeavours where we have found ourselves in ridiculous and amusing and almost always unpredicted, sometimes strange scenarios.

Lack of filter from mind to mouth, can provide instant hilarious exchanges and oversharing in more professional situations can be a well needed refreshing pit stop to brighten up a more formal and dull meeting or interview.

Sometimes, there’s this overwhelming needs to point out details that others may miss, tiny, often trivial details prompt questions in minds that we cannot ignore, an urge to share with others; despite knowing it bears no relevance to current conversation, we relish random off topic  tangents: it can be as simple as spotting typos or questioning the photography angle, or finding a pattern or break in pattern in our surrounding and we want to know how and why something has occurred.

Sometimes our imagination may get the better of us, and what may seem like a simple mark on the ceiling, sparks the imagination into creating so many alternative realities as to how the mark came to be. When we allow our self to explore all options no matter how potentially far fetched and unlikely, we charge our creativity and dance in the world of fantasy, allowing the seeds of possibilities to grow roots and our soul can bounce joyfully between layers of beautiful and indulgent artistry as we create multiple mythical worlds within our own.


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